Not For Me (Poem By Elle Prince)

The flowers you gave smelling like sunflowers in the morning dew.
A sentiment of tenderness and love shared
Just not between me and you.

The kind thought expressed regardless of what the other was feeling
It’s a shame they couldn’t be shared with me your life partner
Rather than the one with whom you were dealing.

The sparkle of the bracelet shows the love shared
So thoughtful and kind
Too bad it shone upon your lover’s wrist and not mine.

The letters that spoke of the devotion that my dreams were made of
It’s a shame that I was unable to partake in my own dream
I took care of the kids; you took care of your needs
We were never part of the same team

Just once I wanted to be the recipient of the worship
You bestowed on everyone but me
Loving you and bearing your children
Wasn’t enough for you to see.

That I was worth your thoughts
I was worth your time
I was worth your love
Though you were never worthy of mine

I am not sure you ever were
As long as I look back now on our life together
You chose others’ attention over mine
I refuse to hold onto that pain forever

I will dust the sorrow of your choice off my heart
and no longer own the shame
Of loving you and giving my all to you
While instead you loved what’s her name

So now I know the love you shared was never meant for me
I deserve better and I’m destined to become
more than you allowed me to be

Finally I see what I wanted all along
reside in the strength of the man up above
Rather than the man I thought you were and who I chose to love

My heart is unreceptive and
My emotions are now numb
My confidence in myself is shaken
How could I have been so dumb?

My worse regret is that love had me too blind to see
But no matter how hard I tried or how you didn’t
You simply were not for me

The Healing (Poem By Elle Prince)

Will it pour over me like the rain covers the jutting leaves of an oak tree?
The healing of the anguish that I alone can see.
The inability to get passed the past and live for the now
The yearning to move forward with life but to not possess the know-how
The healing of the sorrow that my life has become
The demise of a union that was supposed to unite us as one.
The perplexity of what I believed my life to be
The love and adoration of a man held in reserve only for me.
Will the healing begin to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart?
Will I be obliged to go back to the start
When my love was free-flowing and my life made some sort of sense
Before the great depression attacked and my existence was marred by pretense.
When will the healing remove all shadows of doubt
In the intentions of a good man that I will most likely never know about.
The mutilation done has created a chasm in the very heart that was once yours to preserve.
I no longer am able to feel the affection from anyone that I so richly deserve.
Do you hold the key to the healing that I long for to reconcile my distress?
Or have you hid the source of healing that I need to escape this mess?
The healing that restores me to the person I used to be
Exclusive of the deception and mendacity you bestowed upon me.
Me, the person that loved you unconditionally and instead was punished with lack
Deprived of the adulation and passion I can never ever get back.
The healing that brings me back to a time when love was given without regret
To now being destroyed by your indiscretions I could never forgive nor forget.
The healing that resides in the eyes of the three seeds I bore you
The ones I live for and give my life to
Regardless of the revulsion that has been revealed in our lengthy time as two
I never allow myself the relief to really hate you.
To loathe you would negate the past two decades of my life
To obliterate the love I believe we once shared out of spite
The healing would create an abyss of numbness over my entire being
Complete with clarity and bliss, a state of freeing
From the life I once believed was my fairy tale come true
I never imagine the dream would be destroyed and mangled by you.
So the healing I await is a life free from tears, pain and anxiety
I long for the comfort of knowing and seeing the better life for me.

Should I Give You My Heart? (Poem By Elle Prince)

If I see you, that would cloud my ability to get you out of my head.
The same head that doesn’t allow me to share your bed.
At this time of my life I am not sure I want to share that part of me.
And risk the fact that we could never be
Oh but how the idea of you keeps me smiling
It’s like my soul is complete and my heart is dancing.
Then I remember the man, yes the man you are
And my experience with those I have had thus far
They cheat, they lie, and they break your heart without remorse
Should I lay in the cut and let the damage take its course?
Or should I, no really should I give you my heart?
And relinquish all fear
Of not knowing if you are like all the rest
Or not allowing you close to me, nowhere near
To protect the heart that I freely gave before
I mustn’t see you or come close to opening that door
Though the curve of your lips and the swagger in your step
Propels me to another level of wanting you.
The history of your sex and the pain caused by those like you
Make me not even want to deal with you.
But oh how you make me feel like I’ve never felt with anyone else
Then I recall the others and the pain they dealt.
Could it be that you are unlike them? Don’t possess the same venom?
Highly unlikely since I see traces of that already
The ability you have to make me forget all about me
The needs, the desires and the plans I have for my life
To find true love and someone to share that with, love without reprimand
You can’t possibly be that one because of the appendage on your fourth finger, left hand
I can’t be “the one”, a title you would willingly allow me to share
You could never be mine so why should I care
The question remains will my life continue with or without you
Or should I give you my heart filled with love so true?
Should that be a benefit that’s bestowed upon you without merit?
Or should it be let go like the ebbing tide that washes away my inhibitions?
Should I give you my heart to set up for heartbreak in your care?
To wish for you, long for you and know you can’t be there
To aspire for the life that you chose to have with her
The blame lies on me, for allowing this relationship to even start
I know in the annals of my mind I should’ve never given my heart.
I’ll learn my lesson one day when the perfect man comes to me
And my misguided love for you will not allow me to see.
The potential that a true love can provide from the startAnd answer the question, should I really have given my heart

I Thank You (Poem By Elle Prince)

Yesterday I awoke consumed by the trauma of my life
Stressed by the tragic circumstances of being someone else’s wife.
The night before I went to sleep the same way.
Confused and alone, unable to find a restful place to stay.
The next morning I saw your face and the uneasiness faded away
In your warm embrace I found solace
Though I knew it wasn't right, I found myself wanting to stay
With you now in my life, I knew I’d okay
We always want what we can't have, someone said once before
I found myself knowing the right but wanting the wrong more.

I can’t believe that one tender, innocent kiss
Was able to erase the pain of my heart and make my life's drama not exist
And remind me of the compassion of a man I have greatly missed.
I often feel like the walls are closing in on me
Then you came into my life and chose to be there to rescue me
I know that when my world starts to crumble around me
I remember that if I don’t have anything else I have you for as long as you’ll have me.
And for that I thank you.

Even if tomorrow you come to your senses and it finds me without you
I can recall the words you spoke to my heart so true
You have been the calmness during my storms.
You are what’s right in my life when it seems to go so wrong.
You make my heart smile with just a single thought of you
The few stolen moments we’ve shared between just us two
Will forever be emblazoned in my shattered heart
And for that I thank you.

When I’m with you, my problems seem so far away
The tone of your voice, your sweet nature, just your way.
The manner in which you make me feel as if I am the only woman in the world
Though I know in my heart our circumstances won't ever allow me to be your girl.
I thank God for blessing me once again and placing you in my life.
To relieve me of my hurt, despair and overwhelming strife.
And if tomorrow comes and I am forced to face life without you
I can recall how your words, your smile, your embrace got me through.
And I thank you.

Thank you for the strong shoulder you allowed me to cry on
Thank you for a special friendship I can rely upon
Thank you for seeing past what I wanted the world to see
Thank you for accepting and getting to know the real “me”
Though I know because of our situations, this is probably the closest we’ll ever get
I thank you and God for the first time we met.
I never thought you were such a special person but then I knew for sure
How you encouraged and guided me and gave me the strength to endure
All the situations that I constantly find myself faced with.
Having you around me to pick up the pieces has truly been a wonderful gift.
And if tomorrow comes and you choose to go your own way
The strength and power you have given me will make it okay
For me to pursue another pain free day
And I thank you.

Why (Poem by Elle Prince)

Decisions were made that cut like a knife
Never imagined the pain that entered my life
I struggle with the choices made by one in love
Seeing the one you’re supposed to love hurting
Not the marriage I dreamed of
Did you think of me when you lay in her arms?
The same arms you promised would protect me from harm
The destruction you caused with the action you took
The promises made, the vows you forsook.
How can I ever feel safe with you knowing what I know?
Knowing you allowed her into our lives
A place she shouldn’t have been able to go
I didn’t pay enough attention; I didn’t give my body at your command
You single-handed destroyed my trust in you, was that all in your plan?
I have to know why you chose me in the first place
To turn around and cloud my life with shame and disgrace
To cause me to walk with my head hung low
Unable to overcome the pain and just let go
Time has passed and wounds were supposed to heal
The memory of your transgressions and what’s left to reveal
Make it hard for me to move on from what you’ve done
To our marriage, to our family for a moment of adulterated fun
I have to know why you chose this route
Why couldn’t you just leave?
Rather than annihilate my heart and soul
I will never be able to conceive
Of a reason why someone would inflict such pain in the name of love
A union that was supposed to be blessed from heaven above
But you did it and the deed can’t ever be taken back
I can’t take the hurt; I must keep my sanity intact.
I will walk away for the shred of dignity I have left
And overcome what you’ve done rather than take my last breath
You’re not worth the life that I have ahead of me
The kids need me and I choose them
Not living for the man you used to be.
But I have to know why it was important to inflict this on us
Instead of taking the high road, the problems we could have discussed.
It was easier to seek the attention in someone else
Instead of getting to know me and how I really felt
The unanswered questions will continue to cause me to cry
But I will no longer seek to know the reason why.

"The Affair" (a short story)

I stood at the bus stop under a torrent of thundershowers that drench my silk blouse making it stick to my bosom.

“Where the hell is this bus?” I grumbled to myself waiting for the commuter bus that 2 hours from now would put me back in my hometown after a long hard day’s work. As the water dripped from my nose and created a puddle in the crook of my neck, I looked up and saw the shining red, white and blue bus emblazoned with Shoreways Bus Lines on the side. I stuck out my dripping hand in a futile attempt to alert the driver of my intention to board his hunk of metal. I could hear the 16 wheels of the bus slide to a halt in the rainstorm and I was concerned the wheels were not going to cooperate with the driver’s command.

“Going my way?” the bus driver mused opening the door while I shook the excess water off my body like a dog coming in from the rain. I looked up and saw his smile brighter than the sun on a hot summer day but my frustration didn’t allow me to be amused by his quips.

“Middlebury?” I asked not really remembering what I saw on the marquee of the bus. “Are you going to Middlebury?” I asked again hoping that his answer would be a simple yes or no.

“I’ll take you wherever you want to go, Miss” he replied flirtatiously. I could feel his eyes piercing me as I struggled to get on the bus with my heavy work bag in tow. I feigned a smile out of the crook of my mouth as I handed him my damn bus ticket and found my way to seat directly behind the driver where I always sat to combat my severe motion sickness. I settled in my seat and adjusted it to my comfort as the driver slowly took off to continue his route. I closed my eyes for what seemed like a moment when I felt the heat of someone’s eyes watching me. I looked up to find the driver glancing at me in the rear view. I could see he was handsome, not in the classic Denzel Washington way but definitely attractive. Our eyes locked and I was mesmerized until our moment was interrupted by the rush of passengers boarding the bus in a hurry to escape the downpour. I rode uncomfortably for the next 90 minutes looking up intermittently to find the driver still watching me in his mirror.

“What is he looking at?” I thought to myself both uncomfortable and flattered by the attention. It had been a while since a man looked at me in that way. The way that said “you are a good looking woman and I want to get to know you”. I rarely got those looks anymore from anyone including my husband.

The marital drought I was in the midst of was more apparent as the driver smiled at me every chance he got. After maybe the 4th time of making unintended eye contact, I returned the smile with a hint of bashfulness and sex appeal. I just knew I still had it.

The very next day I found myself silently rushing to the bus stop awaiting the highlight of my day. I couldn’t get my mind off the driver’s pearly whites and onyx eyes as he glanced at my reflection the day before. In my head I thought of striking up a conversation or at least saying hi. That all changed as he pulled up, opened the door and struck me with that infectious, endearing smile like a lightning bolt.

“Hello Miss…” he said as he turned his well-chiseled upper body slightly towards the door to greet me.

“Hi” I said as I smiled, handed him my ticket and made a beeline for my usual seat behind him.

After a couple moments of singing his way through the route, he boldly broke the thick silence. “Glad we didn’t have rain today huh?” he asked talking to me through the rearview mirror.

“Uh-huh” was all I could muster as my heart threatened to pound its way out of my chest. I hadn’t been this nervous with a man since the day I met my husband 19 years before in the produce aisle of the local grocery. My husband hadn’t had that affect on me in the longest time and I forgot how much I missed that feeling. I could feel my ears burning and my heart pounding as I gave one word replies to his conversational questions. He must think I am an ass, I thought to myself but for some reason my mouth wasn’t cooperating with my brain and nothing was coming out of it. His voice sounded like a murmur as my brain focused on the man and not a thing of what he was saying.

Weeks later, the pounding in my chest increased as I sat behind him on the bus experiencing his scent of baby powder mixed with Aqua Velva made its way to my eager nostril. In our 90 minute a day encounter, I learned that he was a father and grandfather to a beautiful little girl that he never got to see. I could see the sadness in his eyes as he showed a cell phone picture of the precious granddaughter he wasn’t allowed to see. Too much drama, he explained and I didn’t ask for further clarification though I was curious. He spoke of his five sons, one of which died suddenly of leukemia at the age of 13 years before but still caused a tear to fall from his tender eyes as he spoke of him. I was impressed by this man’s ability to show his emotions unflinchingly without caring that I could possibly judge him. This endeared me to him and I wanted more.

Within weeks, of our meeting I found myself sharing my innermost feelings and thoughts. I told him of my children and what they meant to me. I regaled him with stories of my daughters’ teenager antics and my son’s karate classes. He was a part of life for 90 minutes a day Monday through Friday as he safely got me home full of his intoxicating scent and engaging words. I found myself unable to go the day without seeing him or hearing his voice. I began to rely on his encouragement and playful nature to get me through the difficult time I was going through in my life.

I soon found myself telling him about my relationship or lack there of with my husband. I confided how my husband looked at me like I was the scourge of the earth and how he didn’t care that I was miserable in the marriage. I disclosed how I longed to leave the relationship but was fearful that my children would hate me for destroying their family. I told him how my husband hadn’t touched me in months and how I was convinced that he wasn’t interested in doing so because he had someone else. I opened my heart to this driver and I didn’t have a reason why. It was then that I knew that I was in the throws of an “affair”. The driver was giving me everything I never knew I always wanted.

This subtle “relationship” between me and the driver continued for a year while the flirtation and attraction between us increased with the change of seasons. I could feel myself falling for this man in the most inappropriate way. He was my driver, I was married, and it couldn’t get more inappropriate than that. I found myself getting nervous when I was on the bus with him alone. It was like I was on a perpetual blind date as I rode the bus home for a week straight without saying a world. Until he broke the silence...

“Where are you right now?” the driver asked talking to me through the rear view mirror.

“Huh?” I replied not sure that he was talking to me though I was the only one on the bus.

“Where are you right now?” he repeated. “You surely aren’t here with me”.

I smiled and dismissed his question knowing that he was right on point. My mind wasn’t on the bus with my body. It was elsewhere trying to forget the feelings I had inside for this man. This inappropriate “relationship” had taken control of my feelings and thoughts and that wasn’t something that I was willing to share with him.

“I just have a lot of things on my mind” I replied not taking my eyes off the blue cumulus clouds in the clear spring sky. It took everything in my very being not to face him and my mounting feelings for him. I knew he would see through to my heart in a moment’s glance. That was the type of connection we had.

“A penny for your thoughts”

“I don’t want to bore you with my issues” I relented uncomfortable with my own vulnerability. My mind turned to my husband and the thought of his indiscretions over the years. Was I not good enough? What was I doing wrong? Why am I allowing him to treat me this way? How do I get out?

“There is no way you could ever bore me” he said as the bus came to a halt at a stop light and he turned his chiseled upper body towards me to pierce me directly with his eyes. “I want to be there for you”.

Before the sympathetic words even left his mouth, a deluge of tears began to rush down my face as the pain of my ruined marriage engulfed me confused by the feelings I had for this bus driver. In my mind I wanted to reach out and fall into his massive arms to be saved from the mess my life had become. My head knew that was unbecoming of a married woman and I held back with all the might I could muster. He looked at me with genuine concern and a desire to rescue me from the anguish I was feeling.

As the tears soaked my face and my chest heaved with uncontrollable sobs, I felt the bus come to an abrupt stop and heard the emergency brake being pulled into the park position. I opened my tear-filled eyes to find this man standing over me with tears in his eyes, holding out his hand for me. My first instinct was to make sure we were alone as I scanned my surroundings for onlookers. It wouldn’t have mattered at all because with him I felt as though we were the only two people in the world. I apprehensively gave him my hand and he pulled into his loving arms embracing me with all the emotion in the world. I wasn’t aware a man had the ability to make me feel safe in a warm embrace. My husband never possessed that ability. My husband’s embrace always came at a price but at that very moment, I felt the bus driver didn’t want anything in return. He held me for what seemed a pleasurable eternity as I soaked his uniform shirt with my tears and he stroked my back tenderly. By the time, my tears ended I felt drained from the emotional journey that was take place right before me. I released myself from his embrace confused.

“I’m so sorry” I said wiping the leftover wetness from my face and sitting back in my seat.

“Don’t be sorry. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone”, he said sitting next to me with his rock hard bicep brushing against my forearm.

“It’s not your job either” I said realizing that this stranger cared more about me than the man I chose to live my life with and bear his children. This angered me. “That’s what I have a husband for”.

“Apparently he isn’t doing a good job”, he retorted stating the obvious. He reached his hand to my face and softly touched my cheek. I pulled away not liking the fire that he created inside of me.

“You don’t know a thing about my husband” I said brushing him off and focusing my tearing eyes back on the cotton ball clouds in the moving sky. I tried to stifle the tears that I felt well up at the knowledge that this man knew me better than I knew myself.

Without a word, the driver got up, sat in the driver seat, took the bus out of park and resumed his route. After a few moments and feelings of guilt for having been snippy to him, I looked up into his mirror and hoped to catch of glimpse of him looking at me once more. Nothing. I stared into his mirror as he greeted boarding passengers and collected tickets. Still nothing. I could feel a part of me sob internally as I thought I had lost him forever. It wasn’t like he was even mine to begin with but our “relationship” had sustained me for weeks. I wasn’t sure I could make it without him in my life but quickly realized that I really only had a part of him. The part he wanted me to have. Those 90 minutes a day on Monday through Friday. I didn’t even know him but a part of me loved the him I knew.

Weeks later after changing my work schedule to avoid seeing the bus driver, I stood on the bus stop half an hour than my usual pick-up time. The sun was beaming brightly and I could feel the heat on the top of my head. I blinked my eyes shaded by sunglasses to focus on the arriving bus. I fumbled in my bag for my ticket as I heard the bus door open. I looked up to see the bus driver, my bus driver, sitting there looking at me lovingly.

“Going my way?” he asked jokingly unsure of my reaction.

My feet felt like they were covered in cement as I tried to board the bus. I didn’t know what to say but my heart wanted to reach out and hold him. As if he read my mind, he placed the bus in park, stood in front of me, took my chin in his soft strong hands, and tenderly kissed me on the lips. I closed my eyes and reveled in the moment I had waited for months. I slowly met his tongue with mine and wrapped my shaking arms around his neck while we continued to kiss passionately. He held my face in his hands as he continued to kiss me like I had never been kissed before. I felt in that moment that this man was my security blanket covering me and shielding me from the hurt and pain I had suffered from for so long. His loving kiss told the story of how I came into his life and changed it as he had done for me. It told of how he missed my smile and my intelligent conversation as I had missed his. It told of how he couldn’t lose me because of circumstances and how I didn’t want him to give me up. It told of how he had fallen in love with my spirit and I with his. My heart was lost in a world wind of broken promises, responsibilities, marriage vows I had taken and the inability of my husband to be the man I needed in my life. My heart was lost but I found it that day on the 4:50 bus to Middlebury.

Prologue to "Tears May Fall"

Karina sat at her mahogany desk with her back facing the Hudson River as her backdrop. She could feel the permeating heat of the sun on her Chanel bolero as she held the phone to her eyes and tapped her pen on the desk in frustration.

“One million, three hundred seventy five thousand is the asking price for that listing, Ms. Laser,” Karina said not understanding why this woman kept asking the same lame questions. She was ready to seal this deal and this woman was holding up her progress. “I actually have some free time this afternoon if you would like to view the house. I think it would be perfect for you” she lied rolling her amber eyes up to the ceiling and hoping this was the last time she had to suck up to this overly privileged heiress. Karina knew that no matter what her client, Ms. Laser would not keep the appointment even if she agreed to one. She was one of those people that thought their time was more important than anyone else’s just because she was worth $150 million thanks to her rich daddy.

“Uh…Karina…I’m swamped today with this charity meeting. Maybe we can schedule something for early next week when my calendar is clear. I will have my secretary call you when I am available” Ms. Laser replied pissing Karina off further because she knew a blow off when she heard one. She had been dealing with this pampered princess for six months now and knew how she operated. Karina had shown Ms. Laser everything available home on the market—some twice and she could not make up her mind.

“Very well Ms. Laser…why don’t I give your secretary a call mid next week for an appointment” Karina retorted sarcastically. She could a slight attitude rising up inside of her but she still maintained her professionalism. Karina knew Ms. Laser was never going to call her, however, that was the name of the game…the real estate game that is.

Being a 39-year-old real estate broker with the Dashing Agency, one of the largest firms in New York City was not an easy task considering where she came from. Karina Taylor had quickly risen up the ranks of stuffy old Jewish men and corporate ladder climbing whores to acquire the title of senior broker within two years of joining the firm. She was known for her persistent manner and killer legs. Selling homes was a dream of Karina’s as far back as she could remember. Back when she actually had dreams and her nightmares hadn’t haunted her. Now her dreams were coming true…she was selling million dollar homes to millionaires that had nothing better to do with their money. Karina knew her job was a hustle, more than a 9 to 5. Hustling was something that Karina was familiar with in many ways.

“I don’t need her,” Karina thought to herself as she remembered the numerous clients she had waiting in the wings and the multitude of millionaires in her rolodex. Over the last two years at Dashing, she had made a good name for herself and did not really need to sweat anyone for business. It helped that she had her mother’s looks and a killer body to match.

Karina replaced the phone to the hook and leaned back in her high back leather executive chair with a sigh. She gazed at the flat screen panel monitor accessing her email. “101 emails? I guess I got to get to them sometime,” she thought to herself aloud.

“Ms. Taylor…there is a call for you on line 2” a female voice came from the speakerphone infiltrating her silence.

“Thank you Caroline” Karina replied removing her Monet clip earring and lifting the receiver to her ear. “This is Karina Taylor,” she asked balancing the phone in the crook of her thin neck. All she could hear was heavy breathing on the other end. She could tell someone was there.
“Hello…can I help you?” her question was answered by an ominous dial tone.

“What the heck…” Karina said aloud hanging the phone up. “This nonsense has to stop”. Karina had been receiving mysterious hang up calls for a while now. She would get them at the office, at home, on her cell. It was getting to the point where she was actually getting scared. Before it was just an annoyance but now she had a strange feeling that something was going to happen. Someone was watching her, waiting to harm her. It was just her and her children living at home and Karina wondered if she should still consider getting some sort of protection. The thought quickly slipped her mind as the phone buzzed again.

“Ms. Taylor…it is your son on line 1” the female voice from the speakerphone said interrupting her thoughts once again.

“Thank you Caroline” Karina excitedly picked up the phone again. “Hey handsome…whatcha doin’? She asked in her best slang.

“Nuttin’ Ma. Can I go to Derrick’s house tonight? His mom bought him a new Xbox and I want to check it out”. Her son, Aaron said sounding like every bit the 13 year old that he was. She could not believe how much he reminded her of his father.

“Well hello to you Mr. Aaron, how are you doing, I am fine, thanks for asking” Karina mocked waiting for a response with a smirk on her face.

“Dang, I’m sorry Ma…how is your day going? Aaron replied getting the hint of her sarcasm.

“Its okay honey…could be better” Karina stopped herself before she began regaling him with adult things. “Now what time are you going to Derrick’s house?” she asked getting back to the matter at hand.

“I’m gonna head over there now. His moms is gonna drive me home later” he replied taking care of her next question. He always had a way of knowing what she was thinking. She often wondered if he was playing her but did not want to smother him. After all, she was teenager once.

“That’s fine Aaron but make sure your homework is done. Make sure Derrick’s mom is definitely going to bring you home because I’m working tonight”.

“Iight thanks Ma…I’ll holla…I mean I will call you later on” Aaron replied correcting the slang that his mother hated to hear come out of his mouth. You are such a handsome young man but you talk like such a hood rat, she would say. “I love you Ma,” he added hoping that would buy him an extra few hours at his friend’s house.

“I love you too baby” Karina replied beaming from ear to ear. She thought to herself how special he was to her as she placed the receiver back in its cradle.

Karina was amazed how well her life turned out. She was making great money without anyone’s help. She had two fabulous kids, a great home, fly car. The only thing missing was someone with whom to share all of it. She knew in her heart she wanted to be loved, touched by a man but common sense told her that men were more trouble than they were worth. She chuckled to herself and recalled how true that really was. Men had been nothing but problems for her and now she was free of that burden. Now it was her and her children against the world and that was just fine for her. Her life until now had been filled with lies, deceit, adversity and heartache complete with no good men. Yet she was here standing strong. That which did not kill her literally made her stronger. To Karina that in itself was enough to be grateful for. Aaron, her 13-year-old son was handsome as ever and trying to make his own way in the world. Karina had made sure that he and his older sister Christina had a good, stable life without the stigma of their deadbeat father. Christina was now a 19-year-old sophomore at Vassar and resembled a young Mariah Carey with her tall, slender body and long curly hair. She looked exactly like Karina at that same age. She was optimistic that her oldest child had a good head on her shoulders. Shortly after graduating from her prestigious private high school Chrissie, as she was affectionately known, was adamant about going to college. Karina was overwhelmed with pride that her only daughter was intelligent enough to know that education was the key to her future. Her only wish was that Aaron would follow his big sister’s example. By the time Karina was her daughter’s age she had given birth to her and given her up for adoption. It was clear however that Christina was on a better path. That was more than Karina had at that age. She glanced at the Mikasa 8x10 glass frame on her desk holding the impromptu phone of her, Aaron, and Christina in Central Park last summer. She gently caressed the corner of the frame and closed her eyes when her phone buzzed again. She took a moment to compose herself before she picked up the phone.

“Yes Lena” Karina said annoyed that her tender moment was disturbed.

“You have another call on line one” Lena announced on the speakerphone again.

“Thanks Lena” Karina said as she answered the second line. “Hello Karina Taylor” she said professionally. She waited to see who was on the other end but there was no answer. She could hear faint breathing on the other end but no one was saying anything. “Is there someone there?” she asked again before she heard the phone click to dial tone. “What the hell?” she whispered to herself as she put the phone down. Karina could not help but think that this was her past coming back to haunt her.