Not For Me (Poem By Elle Prince)

The flowers you gave smelling like sunflowers in the morning dew.
A sentiment of tenderness and love shared
Just not between me and you.

The kind thought expressed regardless of what the other was feeling
It’s a shame they couldn’t be shared with me your life partner
Rather than the one with whom you were dealing.

The sparkle of the bracelet shows the love shared
So thoughtful and kind
Too bad it shone upon your lover’s wrist and not mine.

The letters that spoke of the devotion that my dreams were made of
It’s a shame that I was unable to partake in my own dream
I took care of the kids; you took care of your needs
We were never part of the same team

Just once I wanted to be the recipient of the worship
You bestowed on everyone but me
Loving you and bearing your children
Wasn’t enough for you to see.

That I was worth your thoughts
I was worth your time
I was worth your love
Though you were never worthy of mine

I am not sure you ever were
As long as I look back now on our life together
You chose others’ attention over mine
I refuse to hold onto that pain forever

I will dust the sorrow of your choice off my heart
and no longer own the shame
Of loving you and giving my all to you
While instead you loved what’s her name

So now I know the love you shared was never meant for me
I deserve better and I’m destined to become
more than you allowed me to be

Finally I see what I wanted all along
reside in the strength of the man up above
Rather than the man I thought you were and who I chose to love

My heart is unreceptive and
My emotions are now numb
My confidence in myself is shaken
How could I have been so dumb?

My worse regret is that love had me too blind to see
But no matter how hard I tried or how you didn’t
You simply were not for me

The Healing (Poem By Elle Prince)

Will it pour over me like the rain covers the jutting leaves of an oak tree?
The healing of the anguish that I alone can see.
The inability to get passed the past and live for the now
The yearning to move forward with life but to not possess the know-how
The healing of the sorrow that my life has become
The demise of a union that was supposed to unite us as one.
The perplexity of what I believed my life to be
The love and adoration of a man held in reserve only for me.
Will the healing begin to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart?
Will I be obliged to go back to the start
When my love was free-flowing and my life made some sort of sense
Before the great depression attacked and my existence was marred by pretense.
When will the healing remove all shadows of doubt
In the intentions of a good man that I will most likely never know about.
The mutilation done has created a chasm in the very heart that was once yours to preserve.
I no longer am able to feel the affection from anyone that I so richly deserve.
Do you hold the key to the healing that I long for to reconcile my distress?
Or have you hid the source of healing that I need to escape this mess?
The healing that restores me to the person I used to be
Exclusive of the deception and mendacity you bestowed upon me.
Me, the person that loved you unconditionally and instead was punished with lack
Deprived of the adulation and passion I can never ever get back.
The healing that brings me back to a time when love was given without regret
To now being destroyed by your indiscretions I could never forgive nor forget.
The healing that resides in the eyes of the three seeds I bore you
The ones I live for and give my life to
Regardless of the revulsion that has been revealed in our lengthy time as two
I never allow myself the relief to really hate you.
To loathe you would negate the past two decades of my life
To obliterate the love I believe we once shared out of spite
The healing would create an abyss of numbness over my entire being
Complete with clarity and bliss, a state of freeing
From the life I once believed was my fairy tale come true
I never imagine the dream would be destroyed and mangled by you.
So the healing I await is a life free from tears, pain and anxiety
I long for the comfort of knowing and seeing the better life for me.

Should I Give You My Heart? (Poem By Elle Prince)

If I see you, that would cloud my ability to get you out of my head.
The same head that doesn’t allow me to share your bed.
At this time of my life I am not sure I want to share that part of me.
And risk the fact that we could never be
Oh but how the idea of you keeps me smiling
It’s like my soul is complete and my heart is dancing.
Then I remember the man, yes the man you are
And my experience with those I have had thus far
They cheat, they lie, and they break your heart without remorse
Should I lay in the cut and let the damage take its course?
Or should I, no really should I give you my heart?
And relinquish all fear
Of not knowing if you are like all the rest
Or not allowing you close to me, nowhere near
To protect the heart that I freely gave before
I mustn’t see you or come close to opening that door
Though the curve of your lips and the swagger in your step
Propels me to another level of wanting you.
The history of your sex and the pain caused by those like you
Make me not even want to deal with you.
But oh how you make me feel like I’ve never felt with anyone else
Then I recall the others and the pain they dealt.
Could it be that you are unlike them? Don’t possess the same venom?
Highly unlikely since I see traces of that already
The ability you have to make me forget all about me
The needs, the desires and the plans I have for my life
To find true love and someone to share that with, love without reprimand
You can’t possibly be that one because of the appendage on your fourth finger, left hand
I can’t be “the one”, a title you would willingly allow me to share
You could never be mine so why should I care
The question remains will my life continue with or without you
Or should I give you my heart filled with love so true?
Should that be a benefit that’s bestowed upon you without merit?
Or should it be let go like the ebbing tide that washes away my inhibitions?
Should I give you my heart to set up for heartbreak in your care?
To wish for you, long for you and know you can’t be there
To aspire for the life that you chose to have with her
The blame lies on me, for allowing this relationship to even start
I know in the annals of my mind I should’ve never given my heart.
I’ll learn my lesson one day when the perfect man comes to me
And my misguided love for you will not allow me to see.
The potential that a true love can provide from the startAnd answer the question, should I really have given my heart

I Thank You (Poem By Elle Prince)

Yesterday I awoke consumed by the trauma of my life
Stressed by the tragic circumstances of being someone else’s wife.
The night before I went to sleep the same way.
Confused and alone, unable to find a restful place to stay.
The next morning I saw your face and the uneasiness faded away
In your warm embrace I found solace
Though I knew it wasn't right, I found myself wanting to stay
With you now in my life, I knew I’d okay
We always want what we can't have, someone said once before
I found myself knowing the right but wanting the wrong more.

I can’t believe that one tender, innocent kiss
Was able to erase the pain of my heart and make my life's drama not exist
And remind me of the compassion of a man I have greatly missed.
I often feel like the walls are closing in on me
Then you came into my life and chose to be there to rescue me
I know that when my world starts to crumble around me
I remember that if I don’t have anything else I have you for as long as you’ll have me.
And for that I thank you.

Even if tomorrow you come to your senses and it finds me without you
I can recall the words you spoke to my heart so true
You have been the calmness during my storms.
You are what’s right in my life when it seems to go so wrong.
You make my heart smile with just a single thought of you
The few stolen moments we’ve shared between just us two
Will forever be emblazoned in my shattered heart
And for that I thank you.

When I’m with you, my problems seem so far away
The tone of your voice, your sweet nature, just your way.
The manner in which you make me feel as if I am the only woman in the world
Though I know in my heart our circumstances won't ever allow me to be your girl.
I thank God for blessing me once again and placing you in my life.
To relieve me of my hurt, despair and overwhelming strife.
And if tomorrow comes and I am forced to face life without you
I can recall how your words, your smile, your embrace got me through.
And I thank you.

Thank you for the strong shoulder you allowed me to cry on
Thank you for a special friendship I can rely upon
Thank you for seeing past what I wanted the world to see
Thank you for accepting and getting to know the real “me”
Though I know because of our situations, this is probably the closest we’ll ever get
I thank you and God for the first time we met.
I never thought you were such a special person but then I knew for sure
How you encouraged and guided me and gave me the strength to endure
All the situations that I constantly find myself faced with.
Having you around me to pick up the pieces has truly been a wonderful gift.
And if tomorrow comes and you choose to go your own way
The strength and power you have given me will make it okay
For me to pursue another pain free day
And I thank you.

Why (Poem by Elle Prince)

Decisions were made that cut like a knife
Never imagined the pain that entered my life
I struggle with the choices made by one in love
Seeing the one you’re supposed to love hurting
Not the marriage I dreamed of
Did you think of me when you lay in her arms?
The same arms you promised would protect me from harm
The destruction you caused with the action you took
The promises made, the vows you forsook.
How can I ever feel safe with you knowing what I know?
Knowing you allowed her into our lives
A place she shouldn’t have been able to go
I didn’t pay enough attention; I didn’t give my body at your command
You single-handed destroyed my trust in you, was that all in your plan?
I have to know why you chose me in the first place
To turn around and cloud my life with shame and disgrace
To cause me to walk with my head hung low
Unable to overcome the pain and just let go
Time has passed and wounds were supposed to heal
The memory of your transgressions and what’s left to reveal
Make it hard for me to move on from what you’ve done
To our marriage, to our family for a moment of adulterated fun
I have to know why you chose this route
Why couldn’t you just leave?
Rather than annihilate my heart and soul
I will never be able to conceive
Of a reason why someone would inflict such pain in the name of love
A union that was supposed to be blessed from heaven above
But you did it and the deed can’t ever be taken back
I can’t take the hurt; I must keep my sanity intact.
I will walk away for the shred of dignity I have left
And overcome what you’ve done rather than take my last breath
You’re not worth the life that I have ahead of me
The kids need me and I choose them
Not living for the man you used to be.
But I have to know why it was important to inflict this on us
Instead of taking the high road, the problems we could have discussed.
It was easier to seek the attention in someone else
Instead of getting to know me and how I really felt
The unanswered questions will continue to cause me to cry
But I will no longer seek to know the reason why.